When I first started thinking about what it might mean to share my story, I was still a survivor. Meaning, I was still in survival mode. I ebbed and flowed from “victim mindset” to that of a survivor who wanted to feel better. The problem was that I wasn’t ready to share my story.
I wasn’t strong enough or brave enough, yet, to face the rejection that often comes along with sharing a story of childhood sexual abuse. I still had a long way to get to a place of thriving.
My childhood was peppered with a plethora of different abuses. Some were intentional but some were merely byproducts of my caretakers not having the tools to get me out of the hamster wheel of abuse and neglect. Which all seemed to be a family norm, while I was growing up.
What the abuse (particularly the sexual abuse) conditioned me to believe was that I was unworthy, unlovable and alone.
I began to believe at a very young age that no one would protect me from trespasses on my body or my spirit. In short time, my understanding of the way life worked, turned me into an explosively angry teenager. I was extremely skeptical of most people. Even the people that I loved were kept at arm’s length when it came to trust.
I felt very alone, very angry and very ashamed. The shame that surrounded my body image and sexuality were heavy hitters for me, and turned into a deep self-loathing before I entered my 20’s.
After working in the allopathic medical field for over 6 years, I started to ask rather probing questions about health… particularly as it pertained to spirituality and emotional wellness.
At that time, I was still in survival mode. I wasn’t sure HOW to go about creating the big change which, inside of my heart, I knew I wanted. However, I knew that it wasn’t going to be within the paradigm of wellness that I worked in. Because of this, I also knew that it was time for me to changes my field of work.
When I left my job, I was 40 pounds overweight, losing hair by palmfuls, suffering from stress headaches and still deep in the sea of self-loathing. Anger, sadness and an overall unhappiness were no strangers to me.
All of that said, I was sure that I was on the correct path to freedom of my physical dis-eases and my emotional hamster wheel. This is when I started to dive deep into exploring passions that developed in my teens. Astrology being the first of many. Looking back on it… Astrology was the first stepping stone to my healing.
From the path of Astrology, I was led to depth psychology, mythology, folklore, alchemy, meditation, mystic religions, yoga and several other healing modalities. I committed to finding my way out of survival mode and into a life of thriving!
I spent every nook and cranny of time that I could afford, on self-development, self-compassion and self-analysis.
I stuck to my spiritual and physical regimen, even when it felt like I wasn’t making any progress! I started seeing change, but it was very little bits at a time. I often felt overwhelmed with how difficult it was to uncover parts of me that had been pushed deep inside while I was being abused.
People have asked me HOW I was able to make such drastic changes. I just never gave up. Even when I would falter a bit… I never gave up. The first areas I was able to see change were in the physical things. It has been years now since I have reversed my weight gain, hair loss and headaches! It took me many years to correct the emotional and spiritual damage that my childhood sexual abuse caused. In fact, it is still something that I consciously work on, every single day.
My explosive anger, sadness and self-loathing are all things of the past… Every day is a brave and beautiful journey since I have blasted through the walls of conditioning that my childhood built around me! I used the tools I found in all of my independent studies to help me overcome things that seemed impossible to overcome.
I let toxic relationships melt away and no longer allowed people to treat me poorly. I stopped abusing alcohol and treating my body poorly, recognizing that it is in fact, Divine, and not something to be ashamed of.
I learned to breathe through situations that would have caused chaotic behavior from me in the past.
I went on to obtain certifications in aromatherapy, herbalism and wellness coaching, with the goal in mind to create a program to help others overcome their great odds!
I am now the founder of “The 6th House”, where I am a holistic wellness coach and shadow integration coach.
The two tools that are used most frequently in my practice are Astrological birth chart analysis and Shadow integration. I have found that self-analysis mixed with soul mapping, are a very powerful pair!
Nowadays, I always jump to action when I am asked to share my story on different platforms because I hope to empower people to do the things I have done!
I am happy, successful and thriving in life, in a way that I never dreamed possible.
It is incredibly amazing what we are able to accomplish when we make a decision and then make a commitment to that decision! There is NO ODD TOO GREAT, I promise. Follow me, I know the way.
You can connect with Mary Szenasi at www.the6thhouse.com, email her at mszenasi@the6thhouse.com or follow her on Instagram @the6thhouse
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