About four and a half years ago I was sitting on our bed exhausted, broken, crying, hurting, with an internal wound and an external one from the major abdominal cesarean surgery that I had gone through birthing our first baby after many many hours of unmedicated labor. I wanted a natural, vaginal, unmedicated birth so bad. I was so depressed and overwhelmed with many questions and no understanding for what had happened to me.
I had carried life in my womb for nine months, labored unmedicated for many many hours, ended up in a cold room, where I passed out, cut open, saw my baby for a total of 5 minutes max, and then was left alone for two hours. I fought to breastfeed and bond with my baby. Life was never the same after those two days. I should have felt like a warrior but I didn’t. I got eight weeks off from my 9-5 job and that was it. Since I was making more money than my spouse back then it was an easy decision that I would continue going to work. I pulled myself together but life felt like a never ending battle.
About two years after, I fought for a vaginal birth again for our second baby. And I almost went through the same thing again. Damn it, I had made affirmation cards and meditated but obviously not enough. I fought and fought and birthed a baby, just like I wanted but it was a very tough one and I was broken again, inside and out.
I experienced one of the worst times of my life for about 3 months as I hated myself and my postpartum body and felt lonely and misunderstood. Plus, wearing adult diapers for that long was really taking its toll on me. I was sick and tired of life and resented motherhood.
This time, the joke was on me, because I had two small kids to take care of. My company gave me twelve weeks off from work, half of which was unpaid. So now we were also worrying about money.
My mental and physical situation on top of my resentment for my bosses at work and how they treated me and the team, and the corporate politics just made me nauseous every single day. So there it was. Every ounce of my body told me that I shouldn’t go back to work. Little did I know that the universe had my back and there was this beautiful life waiting for me that I had no idea existed. And who knew that I was the one responsible for creating it!?
And what I really didn’t know back then is that life was happening for me and not to me.
So the universe showed up for me but in a weird way. My father in law asked my husband to move back to their hometown and help him run the family business. This was my way out. I didn’t want to move. It was the very last thing on my mind but oh boy did I learn that when you ask the universe something, you need to be more specific. So it came down to me going back to work, the idea of which made me want to puke, or to pack up and move to a town I once said I would never live in. Haha lesson number two learned. Law of Attraction is the law of inclusion and it works both ways. If you put enough feeling behind “I NEVER want to do xyz” then you better expect “xyz” to manifest itself into your reality. Very funny universe.
So I went back to work for one day just to tell my boss to her face that I wasn’t actually coming back. I felt satisfied but angry at the same time because I felt misunderstood and held the entire company responsible for the situation that I was in. I didn’t know what was next for me. I had been a working mom until then and I didn’t know how to live with my new identity as a stay at home mom. I was excited but at the same time nervous, scared, and sad to leave my parents and sisters behind.
So before we knew it, we made the tough decision to move, our house was on the market, and our stuff packed up and ready to go. My in laws generously let us live in their one bedroom casita rent free. Now as nice as this sounds, it wasn’t. My husband developed severe anxiety working in the family business. We had just sold our house and moved our butts to a different town. We had a newborn. Lived in a casita, all four of us and two large dogs, with all our belongings inside boxes in a garage. I lasted three months in the stay at home mom gig. It was tough and I was ready for a change.
I was encouraged by family to get my real estate licence. It would be something I could do from home-ish or at least I could set my own hours for the most part. Classes were in the evening and my husband and his parents helped with the kids. I pumped milk during class break. I studied with a four month old in a baby wrap attached to me and a toddler on my hip. Passed the exam the first time then sat there staring at the walls and the mess in the small casita thinking what the hell am I doing?
Life seemed like this strange thing to me back then. I wasn’t sure why I got my license even. How the heck was I supposed to work with two kids on my hip and a husband who was crippled by his anxiety? I had no answers.
Little did I know that this journey that I was on would be the best thing that had ever happened to me.
So about two months after I had passed my exam, one day, I got up and knew it was time to move forward. My family was counting on me. My husband agreed that we would find part time care for the kids, so I set up a few appointments and was determined to find a broker to hang my license with.
The third and last appointment I sat in front of this remarkable woman, whom I had never met before. I asked her a question, I don’t even remember what it was. She paused, sighed, and got up and shut the office door behind her. She sat back down and shared with me this very personal story of how her son had passed away a few years go. My heart sank but I knew God always has a plan! Always! So I went back home with a heavy heart and shaken by the strength of a woman that was just presented to me that I knew I could do it. I held my babies tight that night and was sure that life was about to change for the better.
I signed up with that brokerage firm the next day. One week later I sat in the orientation class and one of the company owners played a motivational video in class. It was a compilation of motivational speeches. Tony Robbins was one of the speakers and I had no idea who he was back then. My corporate work life never ever revolved around motivation and self-development but more like whose ass you were kissing to move up the chain. I liked the way that video made me feel inside. Like I had the power to do anything in life. I went home and looked up Tony Robbins and my life was changed forever.
The year after that was hard but things started to improve for us. We moved into our own house. In fact, it was a house I visualized every single day. My husband and I got back into a routine. One youtube video after another lead me to learn more about the Law of Attraction and Manifestation. I became obsessed and started reading every book I could get my hands on. Big reason for this path on my journey is that I had never worked a commission based job before. My paychecks and benefits were always handed off to me if I at least showed up at work and did my job. Now things were different. I wouldn’t get paid if I didn’t motivate myself.
So as time went on I tried to apply a lot of what I was learning into my life. Meditating, affirmations on my fridge door, visualizing my success. I loved the idea of focusing on feelings instead of things and how keeping my thoughts positive would attract more great things into my life. It is all about feeling joyful and enjoying life to the fullest every single day. Harder than it sounds but I was committed.
Fast forward two years later, life is amazing. I feel the best I have in my entire life. My marriage is amazing. I love being a mommy to my girls. My husband started his own business as well and is doing great. It is incredible how just a simple shift in focus and living more mindfully every single day can change your entire life. I love how I feel now so much that my sister and I teamed up and started an online retail business inspired by the laws of the universe and the mission to inspire others to go after their dreams. Today I try and enjoy life to the fullest and know that I’m a POWERFUL CREATOR.
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